winterstarlight: (Default)
Sunday, August 6th, 2017 04:18 pm
[Part of this series.]

I realized I have the other Grandmother
Father showed me how she is, his Mother
Poor frail woman, sick and bedridden
She lived so long up to ninety years old
for so long, in Father's original house by the riverside

The first and the last time I ever met her
She's well passed in old age
Unable to open eyes, mouth
I wonder if she heard me when I came into her room with my mother?
I was a young child, not yet reach ten
and I remember I touched her skin
It's dry, old, and wrinkly
But she had been through a lot
raising a huge family
in the tradition of the Great Allah

When she passed away, I think Father cried to himself
and he never let anyone know how he felt how Mother passed away
And when it's my father turn to join her into Heaven
He was buried beside her, where Mother and Son finally rest in peace

Thank you, Grandmother for thinking of me
the granddaughter you never met
winterstarlight: (Elegant Gothic)
Sunday, April 2nd, 2017 04:35 pm
I'm sad because people took my love
People can take your love for granted
And then forget who are you
and who you are meant to them
They don't know who I really am
and I don't know who I am either
winterstarlight: (Elegant Gothic)
Sunday, April 2nd, 2017 04:15 pm
You told me once that when you were drowning
Or was that more a pack of lies?
So wipe off that stupid grin
because I think you don't know what I really am
I put your name
on my wall of pain
winterstarlight: (Elegant Gothic)
Sunday, April 2nd, 2017 03:35 pm
Reaching to you isn't simple
Talk is out of the question
I wonder what you're feeling or what's on your mind
I say please and you walk away
A sad sorrow expression
It's hard for you to let things go
What keeps you going on?
Things are not that simple, isn't?
Whatever lights ahead of you is ahead of
Whatever lies behind you, lies behind you
Your heart is hard, like stone crumbling from the crushing past
Try to forget
winterstarlight: (Default)
Sunday, April 2nd, 2017 03:34 pm
"Let go of your Ego." Father said.
"When you lie dead, you wouldn't be able most of it,
because at the end of the journey, you'll face the choice of letting go all of it.
No one can stand being hated, rejected, or abandoned.
Those who can are the ones who bear a hateful heart, a sorrowful heart,
and when they're unable to let go
they carry their hatred with them.
It's difficult to forgive those who hurt you, does it?"
winterstarlight: (Default)
Tuesday, September 15th, 2015 10:04 pm
Sequal to this

Hi Grandma,

I'm back again

to this old house where it all began

I haven't been here for long

But this is a rare time where

I can sleep and relax here quite comfortably

And it's a fine feeling

Like the circle is complete

but life goes on and I began to realize that
winterstarlight: (Default)
Saturday, July 5th, 2014 03:03 pm
She's an old soul
she taste like a cup of bittersweet
wine to my lips
there is sorrow and joy
winterstarlight: (Default)
Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014 07:57 pm
The opposite of Beloved
Is unloved
The antithesis of Beloved
is Loveless.

I just thought
you should know.

You love me and you don't love me
How can you be two contradictory
nature at once?
We're lock in which we don't understand
and wonder why bother living at all?

In our world, we both well know
how everything is made to be broken
and you find in that moment
the truth become a lie

I gave up my heart to you completely
But I don't think you understand
that I bleed myself to know I'm alive
Because I would up my world just to touch you
but if you only think of me as alive

Because the heart of this woman
is still beating
And I want you to know who I am
and not just some doll you loved once
for your pain and pleasure
winterstarlight: (Default)
Tuesday, June 17th, 2014 08:05 pm
I want to calm your hate
and soothe your violent rage
because I want to bring you back
back in my cage of Love
So sing of my song and lullaby
when you go to sleep
because I knew you thrash and rage
wildly when you're in bed
and silently weep
winterstarlight: (Default)
Wednesday, June 4th, 2014 09:49 pm
"You love me, but you don't know who I am."

~ 3 Doors Down


That moment when

he let's go of your hand

and whatever warmth that lingers between

quickly vanishes

and he said coldly and stern,

"You're on your own kid."

And he haven't spoken to you for years ever since.


Because he couldn't love a child who knows

nothing of his world

much less assuming as much

on the contrary this isn't

the telepathy of two hearts

but two souls from different worlds


and much left has been goes unsaid

until love has been swallowed by

the silence of time
winterstarlight: (Default)
Thursday, May 22nd, 2014 09:29 pm
[Sung to Thomas the Tank Engine, "Don't judge by a book by it's cover."]

Why people are so rude, said Rose one morning today
as she was working hard and feeling troubled.
and she said, "This is annoying, it's not funny.
I don't think we can get along, get along
I don't need people like them.
I don't think I'll ever understand people like you.
This isn't funny."

"It's the law of attraction." Said the spirit guides.
"You tend to attract people who may not like or act like you."
"Does it really matter? I don't think we'll ever understand."
"Don't judge a book by it's cover. You should make your mind up soon."
winterstarlight: (Default)
Tuesday, May 20th, 2014 10:05 pm
This song is for you
my heart is written in the lines
of this note

I love you
You understand my soul so well
In order love me, you must understand
that I'm a monster first
and man later

I'm destined to tie my soul and fate
to you

That is all, Beloved
winterstarlight: (Default)
Saturday, May 17th, 2014 09:38 pm
[Inspired by this scene from the 1981 film, "Excalibur". This is a Godspouse poem for King Arthur.]

There on his throne, my Lord lay in waste
until the Holy Grail bid him to make due haste
to rescue his grieving wife
and there, he reclaim Excalibur
for she hold them both dear
“Good-bye, my Queen, my Beloved Guinevere”
For the end of Britain comes near
and who am I?
I am the angel who lay in my Lord’s wake
waiting for him at Avalon
winterstarlight: (Default)
Saturday, May 17th, 2014 09:33 pm
But really, what is your name, nameless Knight?
Who are you in an armor so silver and bright?
You must have a name for one of your nobility and rank
to serve toward a cause you strive for
and worth of foolishly sacrificing your life
Would you give me your name?
And I would give you mine.

So that I would remember you
and you remember me
if you choose to go to faraway lands
and miss a piece of home in your heart
And I would carry your name in my heart
In my poor maiden's heart

Keeping the flame alive with love and kisses
Yearning and longing
Secretly desperately longingly
for your safe return

I'll pray for your return to come Home
in God's name


When she's reborn again
She's not going to remember you

She won't remember your past, your reputation, your honor,
and most of all,
your name

and how much you once
loved her dearly with your heart

and how much you regret
living her alone in your wake

crying in heartbeart and grief
and in despair

so her soul ran away from you
slipping past life after life
trying to reagain her self
her own soul
and remembrance of a happy time together
when we first met

Does she remember the time when she first fell in love?

That memory is something she won't ever forget
winterstarlight: (Default)
Saturday, May 10th, 2014 09:31 pm
[A/N: Inspired by Lang Leav, "Dead Butterflies".]

So never again I will live under the notion that your life belongs to me.
It was a false hope, a delusional hope, and I hope your new life is a happy one.
Lifetimes from now, you probably wonder who I am,
but in the future, I believe we’ll be perfect strangers
and the karmic debt will be paid.

For years, I kept you secret in my heart
until death do us part.
I won’t be your angel in disguise.
The question is, why should I live
like a helpless, forgotten butterfly
when you never noticed my tattered wings?

It would be a wasted life, a pathetic life, wondering in envy.
It’s no use comparing myself of
what I don’t have and what I do have.

The world is dying and so am I,
and so it is natural
that I must allow
my love for you to die.


One day, I woke up and decided to unlove you
This has been on my mind for a long time
because you never love me
and I meant to leave you for a future
without you in it

I won't be a pinned butterfly that you can put within a window glass
and then you could put me up for all to see

"Isn't she pretty? Isn't she beautiful?" You would say to your friends at your parties
but it was a lie.
And for every lie you told about my beauty, I am muted by shame
and my heart harden with hate for you

So I flew away, and I know
that in your bad habits
toward your self destruction
you will collect more dead butterflies in your wake
None them will love you for your money or your power
winterstarlight: (Default)
Monday, May 5th, 2014 09:28 pm
One day, she told me she is tired of me
and wanted to leave me.

I expected it as much.
It has been on my thoughts
for a long time.
It was such a bothersome burden.
Love and beauty can be so fleeting
and my ideal Venus is made of flesh, blood,
and wretched unfortunate desires.

Who would want an enfeebled, old king
lying on his throne to age and rot
to his final dying day?
I had been come empty and rotten in the inside
and yet I live,
waiting for the Holy Grail to revive me.

She used to love my blue eyes.
Having lived inland for decades,
they reminded her of the sea
and when she gaze into my eyes,
she would drown in them.
Now they're milky white with cataracts
and she couldn't bear to look,
and she began to preferred to look
into the eyes of my best knight,
ere she found them more beautiful.

I am only glorified by legends
and tales, and it is only in stories
that I was made youthful, powerful, and immortal
akin that of a God in myths.
Once this body decayed
my spirit will leave
and I too will leave her.

A thousand years later,
as I swim through the sea time and cosmos,
It never crossed my mind to return to her weeping spirit
as she leaps through time from one body to another
Each time she lives
her heart and memories of her past lives dies hard with hate

She forgotten to love once again
and it's my duty to catch her
by choice and forgiveness
she learns she wanted no other knight but me
winterstarlight: (Default)
Sunday, April 27th, 2014 09:28 pm
Goddess and princess of the moon, Selene
The ideal of serenity and peace
Who ruled besided her beloved Prince Endymion
May you shine your light favorably upon us
as we live on Earth

Kindly illuminate our darkness at night with your shining rays
protect us with your love and courage

Dear Princess, for your all kindness and courage
I shall protect these people beside you
as we did for many eons
winterstarlight: (Default)
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014 09:27 pm
I would follow you through swirling
galaxies and stars

I would hold you as we travel

until the end of time

just you and me
winterstarlight: (Default)
Monday, April 21st, 2014 09:26 pm
Dear love,

I know nothing lasts forever
and I know how you cling and hold on everything dear to you

You don't believe in fantasy or if there is a God
or maybe God is a myth and a lie

You can leave and run as far as you like
Perhaps true love don't last forever
and maybe you don't believe me
But I'll go wherever you want
I'll go with you on this journey
to heal you and righted all the wrongs I did to you
and making things right again with my words

For I regreted leaving that time when you need me the most

I had been thinking that perhaps
maybe men these days don't believe in truth and honor
or serving to a greater will, the greater call Higher than their own
or maybe they keep chasing after a fantasy of a quest
that exists in their own dreams like men used to
back in the days where they dreamed of Camelot
the ideal kingdom of virtue, the Christ Kingdom
the other new Jerusalem

Or the truths you told is a lie
out of your own envy and hatred
for all the ignorance in the world
and your heart strive for illusions

Yet you cling onto life still, dear love of my Heart
and every time you learn this painful lesson
I share the pain with you

And I believe your Heart carries a lot of promise
and every untruths becomes your undoing
and for your Heart can never to lie to me
The One True King
Take care of your heart, for you are precious to me
and I'll scold you for every lie you told
and chide you and bid you to do the right thing
and though my love and patience for you is unconditional
I'll love you more when you change your path
and strive to work hard to do right

And if you ran away and think I wouldn't find you
then you must believe me and held me to my word
that for you, I will
and for you, I will find you
in the deepest dark corners of your heart
for in darkness there is nothing to hide
from my wisdom and insight of the Life

There's a truth that runs far deep into our souls
and our love far outreach the stars
Your heart will know the truth of my words
because I carry a love for you
that runs deeper than time

I hold no apologies as I am on my knees
pledging my love for you
and I lay my heart on your lap

I do love you I do I do I do

I'll tell you many stories
of a time where men follow the Will of God
and a time where men are willing to die for Faith
They're the times who had fallen in battle with their brothers
leaving behind widows
Their tempers are great, but their heart is true
and this is the type of man that is built for you
For God have many great things in store for you

Promise me you'll learn believe
and if you're so steadfast
and you're too stubborn to don't care
Then I might as well carry you until you see the light
and the Light is a beautiful light full of beauty and wonder
and God's glory

Eventually, I know that as my voice spoke
to the essence of your soul
that frost, indifferent mask that you wear
will melt away
Eventually a smile would follow
then a joy in your heart
and then you'll to me, "I believe in you"
and eventually, as you held love sacred,
since the beginng of time,
you'll say, "I love you"
and when the days comes,
you'll stop running
and you'll believe in me
as I believe in you.
winterstarlight: (Default)
Sunday, April 20th, 2014 09:25 pm
She doesn't sleep easy at night
She bid herself in a world full of sleep
She's the angel where
her sorrow has a human heart
and love has a human face
and I know she wants me, thinking I'm someone she couldn't keep

"I bid this world into a peaceful sleep," she said in prayer to me.
"As my heart quietly weeps.
For what kind of grace I can give?
When loneliness is the only life I live?"

She look to the stars to find the answers
She delves in cards of divination in her meditations
but never dream or expects
that the law of probable outcomes
gives her no self-respect

And I know she thought I have the answers
I wish to tell her that two hearts can beat as one
that she needs nothing else, but love and faith
and commitment to the Higher Power...

But as Her Chosen one,
the answer I have for her is none.

And when I told her that I love her,
it usually means there is nothing wrong,
but everything in her life is in sheer chaos
so all I can give her is this song.

But as her angel, what else can I give her
when she cursed her fate and luck?
That the only Truth she has to know
to carry her through life
is that Unseen Love of two hearts
can beat as one.