A Winter Starlight

[Part of this series.]

I realized I have the other Grandmother
Father showed me how she is, his Mother
Poor frail woman, sick and bedridden
She lived so long up to ninety years old
for so long, in Father's original house by the riverside

The first and the last time I ever met her
She's well passed in old age
Unable to open eyes, mouth
I wonder if she heard me when I came into her room with my mother?
I was a young child, not yet reach ten
and I remember I touched her skin
It's dry, old, and wrinkly
But she had been through a lot
raising a huge family
in the tradition of the Great Allah

When she passed away, I think Father cried to himself
and he never let anyone know how he felt how Mother passed away
And when it's my father turn to join her into Heaven
He was buried beside her, where Mother and Son finally rest in peace

Thank you, Grandmother for thinking of me
the granddaughter you never met

You told me once that when you were drowning
Or was that more a pack of lies?
So wipe off that stupid grin
because I think you don't know what I really am
I put your name
on my wall of pain

"Let go of your Ego." Father said.
"When you lie dead, you wouldn't be able most of it,
because at the end of the journey, you'll face the choice of letting go all of it.
No one can stand being hated, rejected, or abandoned.
Those who can are the ones who bear a hateful heart, a sorrowful heart,
and when they're unable to let go
they carry their hatred with them.
It's difficult to forgive those who hurt you, does it?"

She's an old soul
she taste like a cup of bittersweet
wine to my lips
there is sorrow and joy

I want to calm your hate
and soothe your violent rage
because I want to bring you back
back in my cage of Love
So sing of my song and lullaby
when you go to sleep
because I knew you thrash and rage
wildly when you're in bed
and silently weep

[Sung to Thomas the Tank Engine, "Don't judge by a book by it's cover."]




Why people are so rude, said Rose one morning today
as she was working hard and feeling troubled.
and she said, "This is annoying, it's not funny.
I don't think we can get along, get along
I don't need people like them.
I don't think I'll ever understand people like you.
This isn't funny."

"It's the law of attraction." Said the spirit guides.
"You tend to attract people who may not like or act like you."
"Does it really matter? I don't think we'll ever understand."
"Don't judge a book by it's cover. You should make your mind up soon."

[Inspired by this scene from the 1981 film, "Excalibur". This is a Godspouse poem for King Arthur.]


There on his throne, my Lord lay in waste
until the Holy Grail bid him to make due haste
to rescue his grieving wife
and there, he reclaim Excalibur
for she hold them both dear
“Good-bye, my Queen, my Beloved Guinevere”
For the end of Britain comes near
and who am I?
I am the angel who lay in my Lord’s wake
waiting for him at Avalon

[A/N: Inspired by Lang Leav, "Dead Butterflies".]


So never again I will live under the notion that your life belongs to me.
It was a false hope, a delusional hope, and I hope your new life is a happy one.
Lifetimes from now, you probably wonder who I am,
but in the future, I believe we’ll be perfect strangers
and the karmic debt will be paid.

For years, I kept you secret in my heart
until death do us part.
I won’t be your angel in disguise.
The question is, why should I live
like a helpless, forgotten butterfly
when you never noticed my tattered wings?

It would be a wasted life, a pathetic life, wondering in envy.
It’s no use comparing myself of
what I don’t have and what I do have.

The world is dying and so am I,
and so it is natural
that I must allow
my love for you to die.

~

One day, I woke up and decided to unlove you
This has been on my mind for a long time
because you never love me
and I meant to leave you for a future
without you in it

I won't be a pinned butterfly that you can put within a window glass
and then you could put me up for all to see

"Isn't she pretty? Isn't she beautiful?" You would say to your friends at your parties
but it was a lie.
And for every lie you told about my beauty, I am muted by shame
and my heart harden with hate for you

So I flew away, and I know
that in your bad habits
toward your self destruction
you will collect more dead butterflies in your wake
None them will love you for your money or your power

Goddess and princess of the moon, Selene
The ideal of serenity and peace
Who ruled besided her beloved Prince Endymion
May you shine your light favorably upon us
as we live on Earth

Kindly illuminate our darkness at night with your shining rays
protect us with your love and courage

Dear Princess, for your all kindness and courage
I shall protect these people beside you
as we did for many eons

Dear love,

I know nothing lasts forever
and I know how you cling and hold on everything dear to you

You don't believe in fantasy or if there is a God
or maybe God is a myth and a lie

You can leave and run as far as you like
Perhaps true love don't last forever
and maybe you don't believe me
But I'll go wherever you want
I'll go with you on this journey
to heal you and righted all the wrongs I did to you
and making things right again with my words

For I regreted leaving that time when you need me the most

I had been thinking that perhaps
maybe men these days don't believe in truth and honor
or serving to a greater will, the greater call Higher than their own
or maybe they keep chasing after a fantasy of a quest
that exists in their own dreams like men used to
back in the days where they dreamed of Camelot
the ideal kingdom of virtue, the Christ Kingdom
the other new Jerusalem

Or the truths you told is a lie
out of your own envy and hatred
for all the ignorance in the world
and your heart strive for illusions

Yet you cling onto life still, dear love of my Heart
and every time you learn this painful lesson
I share the pain with you

And I believe your Heart carries a lot of promise
and every untruths becomes your undoing
and for your Heart can never to lie to me
The One True King
Take care of your heart, for you are precious to me
and I'll scold you for every lie you told
and chide you and bid you to do the right thing
and though my love and patience for you is unconditional
I'll love you more when you change your path
and strive to work hard to do right

And if you ran away and think I wouldn't find you
then you must believe me and held me to my word
that for you, I will
and for you, I will find you
in the deepest dark corners of your heart
for in darkness there is nothing to hide
from my wisdom and insight of the Life

There's a truth that runs far deep into our souls
and our love far outreach the stars
Your heart will know the truth of my words
because I carry a love for you
that runs deeper than time

I hold no apologies as I am on my knees
pledging my love for you
and I lay my heart on your lap

I do love you I do I do I do

I'll tell you many stories
of a time where men follow the Will of God
and a time where men are willing to die for Faith
They're the times who had fallen in battle with their brothers
leaving behind widows
Their tempers are great, but their heart is true
and this is the type of man that is built for you
For God have many great things in store for you

Promise me you'll learn believe
and if you're so steadfast
and you're too stubborn to don't care
Then I might as well carry you until you see the light
and the Light is a beautiful light full of beauty and wonder
and God's glory

Eventually, I know that as my voice spoke
to the essence of your soul
that frost, indifferent mask that you wear
will melt away
Eventually a smile would follow
then a joy in your heart
and then you'll to me, "I believe in you"
and eventually, as you held love sacred,
since the beginng of time,
you'll say, "I love you"
and when the days comes,
you'll stop running
and you'll believe in me
as I believe in you.